Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
