nut hugger
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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