Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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