The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
