the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
