Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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