Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
