Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
