He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
