i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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