1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
