I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
