some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
