haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
