You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
