He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
