just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
