you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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