I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
