I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
