i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
