Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
