areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
