Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
