I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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