i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
