so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
