He asked to "fluff my boner.."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
