I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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