im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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