so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Alive.
So much puke
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
