I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
