I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
