Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
