apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
