I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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