A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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