I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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