So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
