i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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