my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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