dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
