apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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