wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
