She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
