I look better un-naked...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
