On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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