You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
