I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
