singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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