I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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