Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
did i just pee glitter
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
