Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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