I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
