just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He better not be in your backpack
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
