final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize