I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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