If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
