y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
