i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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