So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
