Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
