she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
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Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize