so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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