i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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