Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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