She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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