Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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