R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
