Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
