im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize