I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
