I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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