I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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